Building confidence in pursuing godly relationships can be tough. Especially if you’re single and ready to date, becoming confident in the Christian dating sphere is essential. When you don’t know what you have to offer, you’ll sell yourself short. I have sold myself short too many times before finding my husband. I don’t want you to do the same.
When it comes to confidence in romantic relationships and knowing your worth, Paul gives us some truths in scripture that will help us in our confidence in our worth. I’m going to share with you three big ideas in the bible that can help solidify your confidence in pursuing godly relationships.
UNDERSTAND THAT YOU’RE CHOSEN BY GOD
You are chosen. You are God’s child. You are not here by chance. This should give you all the confidence in the world. Let’s dive into some scripture:
Ephesians 1:4 (TPT)
And he chose us to be his very own, joining us to himself even before he laid the foundation of the universe! Because of his great love, he ordained us, so that we would be seen as holy in his eyes with an unstained innocence.
For it was always in his perfect plan to adopt us as his delightful children, through our union with Jesus, the Anointed One, so that his tremendous love that cascades over us would glorify his grace—for the same love he has for his Beloved One, Jesus, he has for us. And this unfolding plan brings him great pleasure! …
Through our union with Christ we too have been claimed by God as his own inheritance. Before we were even born, he gave us our destiny; that we would fulfill the plan of God who always accomplishes every purpose and plan in his heart.
In this passage, Paul speaking to the Ephesian church about their new relationship with Christ. Let’s break this down and unpack this.
Vs. 4 says, “And he [God the Father] chose us to be his very own, joining us to himself even before he laid the foundation of the universe!
In the world we like to use this phrase, “get chose.”
“Going to a party tonight. Are you trying to get chose?”
“Girl, why’re you looking cute like that? Oh you’re trying to get chose tonight.”
Many times, this phrase means that someone saw us as desirable enough to choose to connect with on an emotional level hook-up with, or most commonly, let’s keep it real—to sleep with. Because we are “chosen” in some regard, we connect that to being valuable. It’s deceptive because we’ll think that the booty-call at night somehow makes us valuable because someone is choosing us. What we don’t realize is that we probably weren’t even that person’s FIRST CHOICE.
Being chosen for a momentary pleasure by someone in the world does not equate to value. Just because someone wants to use you, doesn’t mean that they understand what you were made for. When purpose is unknown, abuse is inevitable.
When you don’t know the truth that you’re chosen by God, you’ll go around trying to get chose. You’ll hop at the first person who gives you the tiniest bit of attention because you don’t understand that you’re God’s CHOSEN!
2. UNDERSTAND THAT YOU’RE A CHILD OF GOD
Let’s go back to unpacking this scripture.
vs. 6 says, “For it was always in his perfect plan to adopt us as his delightful children, through our union with Jesus, the Anointed One, so that his tremendous love that cascades over us would glorify his grace—for the same love he has for his Beloved One, Jesus, he has for us. And this unfolding plan brings him great pleasure!”
You’re God’s child.
Children carry the traits of their parents. And if you’re adopted as God’s very own and you have HIS spirit living inside of you, you recognize how BIG you really are. I will say this loud and clear: YOU ARE NOT SMALL.
When we don’t realize that we’re children of the MOST HIGH God…
The God who set the foundations of the earth…
Who put the starts in the sky…
Who numbered the hairs on our head…
we believe that we’re small. We believe we’re insignificant.
There are no small children of God. There are only big Christians that convince others that they themselves small.
Others start to believe the picture that we paint about ourselves—even when it’s false. Could you be sabotaging your current romantic relationship because you inwardly don’t believe that you deserve it?
Don’t you realize that you were bought at a high price? Don’t you realize that you were adopted by the King of Kings and Lord of Lords?
Stop making yourself small, Woman of God. You KNOW you have something to offer. God doesn’t make junk.
Let’s go back to dissect that scripture:
3. STOP WAITING FOR A RELATIONSHIP TO WALK PURPOSEFULLY
You’re not here by chance.
When you don’t know what you bring to the table in your marriage and relationships, you’ll look to the other person to bring you meaning and purpose just because you’re together.
You’ll think that you’re valuable BECAUSE you have a boo, when the truth is you’re valuable BEFORE you have a boo.
Ephesians 1, verse 11
11 Through our union with Christ we too have been claimed by God as his own inheritance. Before we were even born, he gave us our destiny;[o] that we would fulfill the plan of God who always accomplishes every purpose and plan in his heart.
Single woman, top saying “I’ll wait until I get married to walk in my purpose.”
Why? Because marriage HAS a purpose, marriage does not give you your purpose!
Let’s also put an end to, “I can’t do ministry because I don’t have a covering. I can’t walk in purpose because what if I meet my husband down the road and he wants to do something else? I need to wait to see what he leads us to do.”
Let me ask you this, are you REALLY waiting on marriage, or are you using marriage as an excuse to procrastinate on your purpose? Are you waiting on another person to validate you to give you the confidence to walk in purpose, instead of trusting what God has already spoken over you?
Are you’re waiting for the perfect scenario to be obedient?
Farmers who wait for perfect weather never plant. If they watch every cloud, they never harvest.
Don’t miss out on your harvest because you’re waiting on your husband. Relationships aren’t hard to navigate if you know what you bring to the table. Have CONFIDENCE that you aren’t here by chance.
You already have a purpose, so walk in it—confidently.
4. DON’T ACCEPT WHAT’S NOT BEST FOR YOU
Many times, Christian women settle with what’s offered to them because they’re tired of waiting for what’s best. Let’s go back into scripture to explore why it’s imperative that we don’t settle:
And because of him, when you who are not Jews heard the revelation of truth, you believed in the wonderful news of salvation. Now we have been stamped with the seal of the promised Holy Spirit.
He is given to us like an engagement ring is given to a bride, as the first installment of what’s coming! He is our hope-promise of a future inheritance[s] which seals us until we have all of redemption’s promises and experience complete freedom—all for the supreme glory and honor of God!
Did you catch that? The Holy Spirit is given to us by the Father as a deposit to come, like an engagement ring.
With that in mind, let me ask you this: If God committed to you with His own Spirit, then why do you let people use you without as much as a ring?
Oftentimes, Christian women start to slip into sexual relationships with men, even if they don’t want to. Sometimes, Christian women slip into abusive relationships with men, even if they never intended to. This often happens because sometimes women forget their standards in their search for acceptance.
So what should you do instead? Rather than wondering whether or not YOU measure up to THEIR standards, wonder if THEY measure up to YOUR standards.
Another way I like to put it is this:
Don’t accept the optional. Accept the OPTIMAL.
You may say, “He doesn’t go to church or believe in God, but she doesn’t cuss or smoke or drink.”
Alright, but is that OPTIMAL?
You may say, “He pressures me for sex, but he pays for my meals, and he has a great job.”
Okay, but is that OPTIMAL?
Don’t settle for less than God’s best. If a relationship isn’t right for you, have the confidence to end it!
You know if you don’t have peace. Stop trying to make it work!
Accept what’s OPTIMAL.
And if you ever forget what you’re worth, remember this:
Christ lived a perfect life that we should have lived. He bore our sin and our shame and our penalty and felt the weight of it and died on the cross because of it. Then He rose from the dead, to keep fighting for us.
And now He lives in heaven, seated at the right hand of the Father, and He’s still pleading for you. Interceding for you. Calling you home. And He’s given you His holy Spirit like an engagement ring, signifying a promise to come. And His Spirit empowers you to love others in the same way that He loves us.
That should give you all the confidence in the world.
@amandaapittman | amandaapittman.com
Amanda Pittman is the wife to Michael Pittman and mother of Elijah and Lily. Amanda is the author of three books. Her titles include, Love Your First Year of Marriage, Reflecting God’s Beauty, and CHANGE.
Amanda is the Founder of Confident Woman Co., community-oriented business that equips women to stand confidently upon the finished work of Jesus. Through Confident Woman Co., Amanda hosts Change University, retreats, conferences, online events, podcasts, and more. Her vision is to position Christian women to lay down their lives for the sake of Christ.
Amanda speaks at various conferences, panels, and other church events. Amanda is passionate about Jesus and encouraging women to pursue Him. Her favorite simple pleasures in life include coffee in the morning, cuddles with her family, and words of affirmation.