My journey in singleness has been no walk in the park. Marriage and dating seemed to cross my mind all the time, and I longed to be with someone. I struggled with finding contentment in my singleness for many years.
Desiring marriage and relationships are not bad in themselves, but when we allow those desires to consume us and become idols is where the problem lies. After I realized that marriage had become an idol in my life, I had to seek the Lord to help me tear it down. The goal was to learn how to be content and satisfied in Him alone.
Many of us Christian women have this same issue. There is so much beauty in singleness, and God has a purpose for you in this season. So, if God desires you to be single for a season, He will give you the strength and the grace to get through it.
I am by no means perfect, and I do have those days where I cry and struggle a little bit. But God is helping me to learn how to be content and satisfied with Jesus. With that being said, I want to offer you a few strategies that have helped me find contentment in this season.
Here are three ways that you can find contentment in singleness:
1. Delight in God and keep Him first
It is crucial for us to focus on God and to keep Him first. God is more important than anything in your life, and God will have no other gods before Him. We have to get to a place where God is enough for us.
Yes, this is easier said than done, but with God helping us, it is possible to be content. I believe you can still have the desire for marriage, but be content in Jesus. Ladies, a man will never satisfy your soul. Only God can do that because He designed it that way. You need God and His love.
Psalm 37:4 says, Delight yourself in the Lord, and he will give you the desires of your heart.
In this first verse, it says to delight yourself in the Lord. That means that we first find satisfaction, fulfillment, and rejoice in Jesus alone. As we learn to be satisfied and fulfilled in Christ, our desires begin to align with His desires for our lives. God will then provide all of our desires as they match His will.
Matthew 6:33 says, seek first the kingdom of God and his righteousness, and all these things will be added onto you.
Matthew 6:33 tells us to seek His kingdom first, and then all the necessities of life will be given to us. What does it look like to seek the kingdom of God first? That means we prioritize the things of God over worldly things.
Does that mean we neglect the daily activities and responsibilities that we have? No! It just means that we are striving to follow His way, obeying Him the best we can, living in a way that is pleasing to Him, and sharing His love with others. There is no need to worry. God promises to provide for us all the things that we need.
You can delight in God and keep Him first by spending time with God in prayer, journaling, reading the word, and through worship. Also, sharing the gospel and fellowship with other Christians is a great way to focus on God and remain kingdom-minded.
2. Be Thankful for the season that you are in
God has shown me how important it is to be thankful for my season of singleness. When I am in that posture, peace and joy fill my heart. Bitterness can begin to creep into our hearts when we are ungrateful.
We start walking around depressed because we feel like God is holding out on us, or we feel entitled that we should have a spouse at the moment. But it is when we find our joy in God, not in a spouse, that we rejoice in Him and begin to find contentment. We have to trust that His ways and thoughts are higher than ours. His ways are perfect.
Without trust in the Lord, there will never be rest, and without rest, there will never be contentment. Once we trust God, my friends, we will have more peace and joy than ever before.
1 Thessalonians 5:18 says, Be thankful In all circumstances for this is the will of God for you in Christ Jesus.
God is Sovereign, so He wants us to be thankful through whatever we are going through. He is a good father and wants us to have a thankful heart.
Ecclesiastes 3:1 says, For everything, there is a season and a time for every matter under heaven.
Everyone is in a different season at different times. There is a specific time for certain things to happen in your life. If marriage is a part of your story, then there is a right time for that. Take rest in the Lord, do not worry, enjoy this season and be present with God.
One thing that helped me develop a thankful heart is practicing praying and thanking God for the season. Every morning you can practice waking up and just thanking God for your season of singleness and all that He is doing. I even thank Him for everything that He’s doing that I can’t see.
It is also good to think about other people. Be available to share God’s love with other people and to serve God and people joyfully.
3. Turn to God When Temptation and Depression Come
Everything may not be roses and butterflies all the time in your journey, in case you haven’t noticed already. There may be times when you feel lonely, sad, and desperate.
I struggled with comparing myself to other people who are married. Your journey, my friends, is going to look different than anyone else’s journey. What’s the point of comparing your journey with someone else’s journey when they are supposed to be different?
My battles with comparison led me to become very envious. It also made me tempted to want to go out and take things into my own hands. That could be very dangerous. You can fall into great trouble! During that struggle, you have to put your focus on God and what His word says.
Psalm 46:1 says God is our refuge and strength, a very present help in trouble.
I love this verse because it’s a reminder that God will give you strength. He is our refuge, and He will help you when you need help. When you feel weak in the waiting, seek God, and He will give you his strength.
1 Corinthians 10:13 says, No temptation has overtaken you that is not common to man. God is faithful, and he will not let you be tempted beyond your ability, but with the temptation, he will also provide the way of escape, that you may be able to endure it.
This verse is one of those verses I keep in my heart. It is powerful to know that God will show us the way out when tempted or struggling. He has given us (His children) the ability and the power through the Holy Spirit to endure the temptation and attacks from the enemy.
You can pray the scriptures aloud when you are feeling tempted or attacked by the enemy. You could even pray out the scriptures above. Ask God to come and comfort you in those moments you feel weak and lonely. The feelings may not go away at first, but He will comfort you and help you endure.
God will help you in those moments if we are willing to go to Him. If you do fall, get back up. Keep running the race that God has set before you.
Joy and contentment are in Jesus. And every season with God has a purpose. Trust Him and enjoy the journey, my friends.