Going through a painful breakup can be very challenging. We have all experienced pain from relationships in one way or another. The relationship that hurt us doesn’t necessarily have to be a romantic one; It can be a friendship or a family member that disappointed us.

I have experienced hurt in past relationships. Though it was painful, God was faithful and walked with me through my healing process.

I was involved in a toxic relationship, but it was not a romantic one. I idolized this man, and I liked him. I thought he was the one (this went on for three years!). It began to consume me and get in the way of my relationship with God. There was a lot of manipulation, flirting, and it was not honoring God.

The Lord showed me that I had to let this person go, and he took me on a healing journey from this relationship. Praise the Lord that the process did not take long, and I have healed from the pain.

I learned that we don’t have the power to heal ourselves, but true healing only comes from our Lord Jesus Christ.

 Here are four steps to heal from a toxic relationship:

1. Distance yourself from this person and get closer to Jesus!

One of the ways that Jesus helped me to heal from a toxic relationship was by distancing myself from that person. It is hard to heal when you are doing things to open up your wounds again. So, I decided to not hang around this person, if it was not necessary (You may still have to be around this person. Use those opportunities to mature and face those uncomfortable situations with the Lord).

I focused more on God and allowed him to become more centered in my life. You need to set proper boundaries at this point because the relationship was toxic. You do not want anything else to happen that will poison you, your healing process, and your relationship with God. 

Philippians 3:13 13 Brothers and sisters, I do not consider myself yet to have taken hold of it. But one thing I do: Forgetting what is behind and straining toward what is ahead

As Philippians 3:13 supports, we need to let go of the past and continue to move forward in whatever God has for us. In terms of toxic relationships, let it go and allow God to give you more of Him. 

  2. Turn away from sinful patterns and forgive others

This next step is so important. It is crucial that you truly repent of any sins you have committed in the relationship and receive God’s forgiveness. Forgiving will set you free from feelings of shame, guilt, and anything else that would hinder God from working in your heart.

It is also critical to learn how to forgive this person and to forgive yourself. Once you forgive this person and yourself, you will be free.

This new found freedom will help you grow closer to Jesus and heal more quickly.

Ephesians 4:32 32 Be kind and compassionate to one another, forgiving each other, just as in Christ God forgave you.

It may be hard to forgive this person, but think about how many times God has forgiven you.

Forgiveness releases you from the anger, pain, and hurt of the relationship. Ask God to help you forgive this person if your struggling to do so in your own strength.

3. Allow God to show you any brokenness within 

The last step and this step are similar, but I want to focus more on brokenness. I needed to allow God to show me what unhealthy thinking patterns I had. Sometimes we can contribute to the toxicity of a relationship because of our sin and brokenness.

I needed to invite God into the broken places of my heart so that he can heal me. This process involved me studying the word of God in regards to the unhealthy thinking patterns I had.

This process also involved praying and asking God to help me, heal me, and make me whole. This part of the healing process is challenging because God will begin to prune you, and it may be uncomfortable to be vulnerable with God.

However, this is the most beautiful part because this allows God to do his work in healing us. In the end, this is all about bringing glory to God and bearing the image of Jesus more and more.

Romans 12:2 2 Do not conform to the pattern of this world, but be transformed by the renewing of your mind. Then you will be able to test and approve what God’s will is—his good, pleasing and perfect will.

We are transformed by renewing our minds. We should be meditating on the word of God and allowing the word of God to become our truth.

God’s truth will replace all the lies we have ingrained in our thinking patterns.

4. Surround yourself with supportive men and women of God 

I will have to argue and say that this last step is one of the most crucial steps in this process. It is not good to isolate yourself from supportive family and friends. During this time of my life, I surrounded myself with supporting men and women of God.

They were there to encourage and comfort me.  I always make sure that I am honest with my spiritual mentors in my life. People who I can trust and I can share what I am going through. I can share my sins and my failures without feeling judged.

These people prayed for me and helped me to endure my healing process. They were like spiritual lifelines that helped me keep pushing when I wanted to give up and turn back to my old ways.

That is why it is so important to be part of a church family, and if you do not have one, reach out to men and women of God who can pour into you love, grace, mercy, and truth. 

1 John 1:7 7 But if we walk in the light, as he is in the light, we have fellowship with one another, and the blood of Jesus, his Son, purifies us from all sin.

As we walk in the light, We reflect the Lord’s perfection, and we have no hidden sins, falsehoods, or deceptions. We can have honest human fellowship, and God can continue to heal and cleanse us from sin.